


The Magnificent Misadventures of Crank and Delmar

by Dance_Elle_Dance



Category: The Hills Have Eyes (2006 2007)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Crack, Crank’s Middle Name Is “Offensive”, Delmar Is The Long-Suffering Best Friend, Gen, Out of Character, This Is STUPID, but i love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22252312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dance_Elle_Dance/pseuds/Dance_Elle_Dance
Summary: The many instances of Crank and Delmar's epic bromantic adventures lie within.Read at your own risk.(Originally posted on 7/2/13.)
Relationships: Crank Medina & Delmar Reed
Kudos: 1





	1. Crank and Delmar Do Yoga

**Author's Note:**

> I fully know this is ridiculous. I know it is. And I haven’t posted any of my chapter fics on here because I don’t really know if I have any intention of completing them. However, this one is so silly it can either:
> 
> A. Stand by itself as a two-shot.
> 
> Or 
> 
> B. Be added onto later. 
> 
> Regardless, I know this is stupid but I don’t care. I had so much fun writing it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delmar introduces Crank to the glory of yoga. Crank thinks it feels like a cult. Insanity ensues.

"What the hell is going on here, man?"

Delmar looked at his friend with a smile starting to form on his face. He pulled the car into a free space and put it in park. The large building in front of them was a normal gym, one that the two of them frequented often, but there was just something about the look on his best friend's face that caused Crank to be a bit on edge.

"C'mon," Delmar replied smoothly. "Don't be so uptight. It's just a regular workout."

Crank looked at Delmar skeptically. "Then why did we have to wear spandex?"

"I hear it helps with movement," Delmar lied swiftly.

"Yeah, well it makes me look like a complete jackass."

Delmar rolled his eyes as he unbuckled his seatbelt. Crank did the same and then made his way out of the car. It was hot - hotter than hot, really. The weather seemed to be hating everyone because Crank didn't think he'd ever experienced a climate as hot as the one that had currently been sprung on him. And the spandex didn't help, especially when he was sweating like a whore in church.

He pulled the collar of his under armor away from his neck, though that wasn't the problem. It was the tiny, tiny, _tiny_ pants that were clinging to him in places that they shouldn't cling. Crank growled at Delmar, who flashed him a smile. "It's air conditioned on the inside," he said. "You know this. You'll be fine."

However, as soon as they stepped in the gym, Crank realized that Delmar's words had been false.

"Air condition my balls," he said with venom. The central air had apparently gone out, leaving the whole place with nothing but moving fans.

"You could try to do that," Delmar pointed out wryly, "but they'd probably kick you out."

Crank grit his teeth at his friend as he walked in ahead of him to sign in and flash his gym membership card. The lady at the desk looked at Delmar with an amused grin. "Nice tush, Delmar."

Delmar sheepishly rubbed the back of his head and moved to the side to allow Crank to sign in. The lady at the desk looked at him and said, "Crank."

"Lady," he acknowledged.

She rolled her eyes and looked at Delmar. "Can't you tell him my name is Gwen?"

Delmar shrugged. "Whenever he gets his mind set on something, there's no changing it. He calls you Lady, your name is now Lady."

Gwen pushed the loose strands of blonde hair out of her face and jabbed her thumb to the back room as a knowing smile graced her features. "You two will be working back there today, I presume."

Crank looked taken aback. "Why back there? Delmar…"

"I…uh…reserved the room for us." Delmar was already walking back to the room.

"I am so changing out of this shit after we're done working out," Crank said as they passed the locker room.

"But you said the locker room was unsanitary."

"There are always exceptions."

Delmar laughed and opened the door for Crank, who he shoved in ahead of him before entering the room and locking it behind him. A group of women turned and stared at them, their hair all bound up in the same manner, wearing skin-fitting… _spandex_. They all cocked their head at the new entrants at the same time, and then their faces morphed into a smile.

The woman in charge - one that looked very intimidating, towering over both Crank and Delmar, with toned biceps and golden eyes like a hawk - stepped forward and placed a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Welcome," her voice was a contradiction to her appearance, soft and lulling. Crank felt like he was about to be brainwashed. "Please retrieve a mat from one of the corners. Next session, please provide your own."

Delmar and Crank walked over to the side of the room where the mats were placed. Crank cursed at Delmar. "The hell is this, 'mar? Why do we need mats? Why are we back here? _Why do all these people look possessed?_ "

Delmar turned and looked at Crank before shoving a mat into his arms. He placed a hand on Crank's shoulder, imitating what the crazy head lady did before. "We're doing yoga today, bud."

Time stopped.

Crank looked at Delmar.

Delmar looked at Crank.

_"What the **actual fuck**!"_

All the women in the room turned to look at him, their vacant eyes somehow threatening. Head Bitch In Charge looked at the two of them with her hawk-eyes and Crank thought he felt her trying to suck out his soul.

"This is a place of peace," she bit out. The way she said it was rather ironic. "Treat it as such."

"I'm outta here - "

Delmar grabbed Crank's arm. "C'mon, man. This could be fun."

" _Fun_?" Crank asked incredulously. " _Fun_? Do you see these people? They look like they have no humanity!"

"And I thought it could help you learn to relax a bit…ya know, be more chill."

" _Chill_? Since when am I not fucking _chill_?"

Delmar blinked at him.

HBIC stepped onto her mat and glared at the two of them. "Please. It is three o'clock. Spread out your mats so we can begin."

Crank was still tempted to leave, but he had never quit anything before in his life. Besides, he was sure that if he tried to make a run for the door, Bird Lady would throw him back in. And probably feed him to her young. He shuddered.

"For our new journeyers into the land of peace, welcome. For the returning journeyers, welcome back," Bird Lady said. "My name is Francine. Let us begin."

Crank didn't think he'd ever heard such horrifying words in his life.

"First, let us go into downward facing dog…"

Crank snickered. That snickering turned into outright laughter.

Francine's sharp eyes landed on him. "Maturity is key in this venture, Crank."

Crank turned to look at Delmar, eyes wide with shock. "How did she know - "

Delmar looked unsettled for the first time since entering the gym. "I…have no idea."

Music started playing in the background. It sounded like the rustling of leaves in the trees accompanied by water running over stones in a creek. Crank automatically found issue with it.

"Haven't they heard of _Pantera_?" Crank asked while trying to move into the downward dog. Which was possibly the most uncomfortable thing he's ever done.

"Pantera isn't exactly prime relaxation music," Delmar pointed out.

"Psh." Crank rolled his eyes.

"Hold the pose for ten long, deep breaths, and then we're going into the luxurious leopard."

"The fuck is the luxurious leopard?" Crank protested.

"Lie on your stomach and use your hands to twist the upper part of your body while keeping the lower part stationary," Delmar provided.

"You did _research_ on this?"

"Always best to be prepared," Delmar said in a sage-like voice.

Crank held the downward dog - _hee hee_ \- for the long, deep breaths required by the Buzzard Broad and then copied Delmar in the luxurious leopard. When it came time to twist the upper part of his body, he was met with several cracks. Curses in Spanish followed.

"You okay?" Delmar asked, looking over to Crank as he lie writhing in agony. "You're not supposed to be that harsh with your body when doing that, Crank."

"Oh…oh…my God…" he managed to say as he rolled around in pain.

"Let's move on to the lying lizard position!"

"Oh, fuck _meeee_!" Crank moaned.

"Captivating chameleon!"

" _Shiiiiiit!_ "

"Powerful pull of Pluto!"

"Oh, what the _hell!_ "

”Do these yoga names seem familiar to you, Crank?" Delmar asked with a crease in his brow.

There were many others after those. Crank copied Delmar's positioning each and every time. And each and every time, Crank injured himself in more ways than one. His pride being a main point of hurt. Once they got to the lecherous Linda position, he felt like gouging his eyes out with the nearest sharp instrument.

Hours seemed to go by. Hours and hours of nonsensical names and even more nonsensical body positions.

"Kill me," Crank begged Delmar. "Please. No one should have to undergo this torture. I think someone _farted_ in front of me while doing the juxtaposing Jupiter."

Before Delmar could reply, Francine clapped her large hands together and said, "Rise, my lovely children of relaxation. Rise and feel the stress drip away from your body. Feel it slither away like the flesh from your bones…"

Crank rose, all right. "What the fuck is she talking about? This bitch is insane."

Delmar looked a bit freaked out as well, his eyes wide in his face. "Uh…yeah…"

"Thank you so much for coming today." Francine went over and turned off the CD player. "I look forward to your next visit."

The girls all replied in drone-like unison, "Yes, Miss Francine. We look forward to our next visit."

Then they all rolled up their mats as one and filed out the door, single file.

Crank and Delmar were about to get the hell out of there, throwing their mats into the corner as if they were a sack of potatoes when Delmar realized something. "Oh, no."

"What?"

Delmar pointed to the large set of glass windows that composed one side of the yoga room. It exposed them to the entire gym. Men and women alike, all running on treadmills or lifting weights or some other kind of body building activity, had turned to stare at them in interest.

"Damn it! Who let up the blinds!"

Francine cackled menacingly as they left the room. _Of course_ it would be her.

"I believe I would quite like it if you called me," she said, handing Delmar a piece of paper as he passed. "See you later, my new projects!"

Delmar threw the number in the trash as soon as they were out of sight.

Crank was signing out of the gym with a shaky hand. His entire body hurt. He felt like he got his ass kicked by Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster at the same time. He groaned as he turned and gave the pen to Delmar, who signed out himself - all the while chatting up Gwen.

Crank wiped the back of his hand across his forehead. After that, he was not going into that nasty locker room to change, no matter how much the spandex was sticking to him. There was only so much torture a body could take in one day, after all.

Snickering met his ears.

Crank turned around and came face-to-face with Napoleon, a longtime friend and constant annoyance. "The fuck are you laughing at, pencil neck?"

"Saw you two doing yoga," he teased. "Nice tush, Crank."

Crank kneed him in the balls.

Leaving Napoleon gasping on the floor clutching his crotch was a definite upside to the day, but as Crank and Delmar walked to the car, Crank said, "I am never doing yoga again."

"Yeah." Delmar shuddered, remembering Francine. "Me either."


	2. Crank and Delmar and the Labyrinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crank and Delmar get lost in the mines while delivering supplies to the mine clan. Insanity ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I know this fic is silly. I just hope somebody is having a good time reading it.

"Why does it have to be so fucking _hot_?"

Delmar looked over at Crank, cocking a brow and fighting a laugh that was starting to bubble in his chest. "We're in _New Mexico_ , man. What did you think it was going to be like?"

Crank adjusted the backpack on his shoulders. The weight of it was familiar but not pleasant at all. It brought back bad memories to his training camp days. He shuddered, despite the heat of the sun beaming down on them.

"Can't these guys go to the store by themselves? What about the gas station way back with the crazy fucker?"

"They utilize that when they can, but there's a lot of them, Crank." Delmar shrugged his shoulders to help manage the stacks of boxes in his arms.

Crank wanted to protest, but Delmar had a point. Sighing, he tried to scratch his arm while he held his own set of boxes, but to no avail. Frustrated, he began to rub his arm along the edge of the box like an aggravated child with chickenpox told not to claw at himself.

"You're going to end up - "

A horrid crash broke the relative silence of the desert around them.

" - dropping something."

"Motherfucking bitch in heat! What in the flip-flopping shit did I do to deserve this fucking ass dumb shit! Damn it all to the depths of hell - "

Delmar just stared at his best friend, warring with laughing at his friend's unfortunate - and downright odd - choice of curse words. The food that had been in the box on top of the one Crank was using to relieve his itch was now spilling out of the top of the box, which had been taped shut at one point or another. Countless tinned items and other army ration types of food were littering the floor.

"Fucking _shit_ \- "

As Crank continued his tirade, Delmar tiredly bent over and started to scoop up the rations and place them back into the box. "If curse words were hands, we would have all of this picked up by now."

"The fuck, 'mar? Did you just...well, hell, I don't know what you just said."

Delmar placed the last can into the box and then tried to press the tape back over the gaping top of it. It worked, but only slightly. The cardboard bucked in odd places and one corner was dented in, but it would have to do. Not to mention all of the _sand_ -

"I suppose they sent you two this time?"

Delmar and Crank both jumped and turned to the sound of the voice. They hadn't heard anyone approach them, which unnerved them to no end. It took Delmar a while, but eventually he was able to make out the source of the voice.

"Hey, Chameleon."

Chameleon waved a thin, bony hand in greeting and stepped away from the craggy side of the hill; the whole action looked as if the rock itself was coming to life. One of the more civil mutants, Chameleon was a fixture when any of the soldiers arrived at the mines, greeting them at the entrance and leading them into the depths of their labyrinthine home.

The mutant eyed the dented box as Delmar picked it up and placed it on top of the ones that Crank already carried.

"I guess you could say we brought you some _sand_ wiches," Crank commented.

Delmar looked at Crank, then focused his gaze on Chameleon. "Kill me. Kill me now."

Chameleon blinked and then gave a slight laugh before heading into the mines. Delmar and Crank followed, but Delmar still wanted to be murdered. Crank's puns were amongst the worst things he'd ever had the displeasure to hear, and here he was -

"Hey, 'mar, you think that guy's tongue is like a chameleon's?"

"I don't know, Crank, why don't you kiss him and find out?"

Crank spluttered for exactly fifteen minutes, searching for words to accurately describe his...emotions or whatever, and nearly dropped the box again in the process. Delmar made no attempt to hide his amusement, and he walked with a spring in his step behind the mutant.

"This way," Chameleon commented, taking them around a corner that opened up into a wider passageway.

Crank sighed as he felt the sweat trickle down the back of his neck. Then, a strange thought occurred to him, one that he couldn't believe he hadn't realized before. "Uh...Chameleon. Where's your father?"

There was a pause, as if the mutant was wondering whether or not to disclose this particular bit of information. Crank supposed he decided against keeping secrets, because eventually Chameleon replied with, "He lost one of those... _gummy bears_ you brought for us last time. Has been locked up in his room searching for it ever since."

Delmar blinked; Crank snorted.

"It was a red one," Chameleon mused solemnly. "His favorite."

As if on cue, a bellowing, _"Where the fuck is it?!"_ resounded throughout the mines.

At that point, containing their laughter was out of the question.

As they tried to quiet their snickers, Chameleon rounded the corner to a small-ish door, made out of wood that looked older than all three of them combined. He reached out a hand and opened the door, revealing just a few rations left.

"Man, I didn't realize how low you guys were," Delmar commented.

Chameleon shrugged, unperturbed. "We make due."

Crank flopped the stacks of rations on the floor. Delmar followed, less violently smashing his boxes atop of Crank's.

"Let's go get the rest - "

"Chameleon!" a very feminine shriek sounded from the mines. Crank and Delmar turned to face the direction from where it was coming. The both of them squinted in the darkness, trying to make out the figure as it ran towards them. Bit by bit, details emerged. Slim, dainty, female, with few mutations to speak of.

"Yes, Suzie?" Chameleon asked, almost dryly.

"We have an issue," the mutant named Suzie said, her voice succinct and airy, but panicked at the same time. "Hades is stuck underneath the bed."

Chameleon gave a very dignified snort. " _What_?"

The thin girl started waving her arms about. "He was looking for the _godforsaken gummy bear_ and then - "

"He got stuck underneath the bed," Chameleon repeated, incredulous, still trying to wrap his head around it. Crank started laughing despite himself.

With a slight turn of his head, Chameleon addressed the two of them, "I need to deal with my father. I trust you know your way around the place."

"Wai - "

But before Delmar could finish his protest, Chameleon was gone, slithering around the rocks like a man possessed, Suzie trailing behind him almost timidly.

Quiet settled around the two of them.

"Well, shit," Crank said crudely. "What do we do now?"

"Go back to the truck. Finish unloading everything." Delmar ran a hand over his hair. "Then get out of here before Hades has more issues."

"Well, then, let's stop standing here playing with our dicks and get moving."

Delmar sighed at his best friend's overt crassness. "Your life is just one giant dick joke, isn't it?"

"Your face is one."

Not even dignifying that with a response, Delmar started walking.

Crank, stumbling over himself to catch up, followed.

Delmar tried to remember the way from which they came. But, honestly, all of the walls looked the damn same, and the whole place echoed. So when they tried to find a voice to follow, they just ended up going in circles. But then again, Delmar wouldn't put it past the residents of the mines to make noise and then quickly go somewhere else, effectively confusing the two soldiers. It was known that several of the mine mutants - Gretel and Letch, in particular - were known pranksters. Who knew who else would join in if provided the opportunity?

"Do you even know where the fuck we're going, bro?" Crank asked.

Delmar was quiet, raising a hand to silence the louder of the two of them. "Shh."

"What? Are the walls speaking to you, Ghost Whisperer?"

"That makes no damn sense, Crank," Delmar said, showing an uncharacteristic lack of patience. "Are you dehydrated?"

"No, not at - ARGH DAMN IT FUCK SHIT ASS!" The crashing sound that accompanied the curse words seemed very slapstick in its intensity. Delmar turned around and saw that Crank was currently facedown on the floor, twitching. It was enough to put a large grin on Delmar's face.

"Uh oh."

That voice was neither Crank's nor Delmar's.

Crank shot up and threw himself at Delmar, Scooby Doo style. "The fuck was that?"

Delmar tried to make out the person in the darkness, but only saw a pair of eyes that were peering up at him. As his own eyes adjusted, Delmar saw that the thing - _things?_ \- Crank tripped over was, in fact, someone else's legs. They were sprawled out in the corridor, almost childlike, and the person attached to them looked exactly like that.

"You...fall. Sorry." He blinked at them, and then continued playing with his blocks.

Wait...blocks?

"The shit's up with the blocks?"

"Suzie left. Was playin'."

Crank and Delmar blinked, unsure of how to respond. Was it just them, or were the mines just one giant clusterfuck of random shit?

"Hansel?" Delmar tried to squint at him through the darkness. "That you?"

"Yes, Delma'."

Crank snickered. "Delma."

The mutant now revealed as Hansel offered Crank one of his blocks. It was chipped and the paint was coming off of it, but it didn't make the mutant look at it as if it were any less important.

"Who the hell plays with blocks?"

"Prank...Blair. She trip over."

Crank and Delmar snickered at that, remembering the first time they had seen Blair. They had heard things about her. If they were Hansel and Suzie, they'd sure as hell be pranking her as well.

"Do you know how to get out of here?" Delmar finally asked.

Hansel looked at him for a moment before pointing down a corridor. "That way."

Crank followed Hansel's finger and saw what seemed to be the mouth of hell staring back at him. Blinking, he turned and then met Delmar's gaze. "Well, shit, that's terrifying."

"No choice, man," Delmar patted Crank on the shoulder, leading him away from the mutant. "Thanks, Hansel. And Crank's sorry for tripping all over you."

Hansel gave an innocent smile, nodded, and went back to playing with his blocks.

Delmar thought Hansel had actually given them some directions that were appropriate, that were actually going to lead them out of this place, but then they came to a particular opening that divided off into three separate tunnels.

Crank blinked. "This - "

Delmar held out a hand, effectively stopping whatever profanity was about to come out of his friend's mouth. "I think you've filled your cursing quota for the day."

" _Fuck_ that, 'mar. We are going to die up in this bitch. They're all going to be like, _where the hell did those two awesome soldiers go_? And no one will fucking know! Because we'd be dead! Dead! D-e-a-d."

"...are you _sure_ you're not dehydrated?"

Crank then broke off into a series of curse words.

"Hey."

Again, that voice did not belong to either of them.

Feeling the creeping dread that was almost commonplace with facing someone like Blair, the two of them turned around in unison. It would have been comical if it wasn't so pants-shittingly terrifying.

Large and unfortunate-looking would be the best way to describe someone like Blair. She looked at them, crossing her large arms over her even larger chest, and then smiled, "And who are you two lookin' for?"

Crank gaped like a fish, while Delmar said, "The exit."

Blair's responding grin set a pit of fear into both of their stomachs. "I can lead you there."

Delmar blinked and then looked at Crank. Crank looked at him, wide-eyed.

"I-I think we can find our way, ma'am," Delmar said, trying to be as polite as possible.

"Please," Blair said, grinning and revealing a set of stained teeth, "let me help."

Out of fear of possibly being castrated and then buried alive, Crank and Delmar followed.

"This is possibly the worst decision of our short lives," Crank noted.

Delmar could only gulp and nod.

They weaved and turned and moved around various corners and through shafts and down, down, _down_. Crank didn't like it when they started to go _down_ , even further beneath the surface than they were to start with.

Blair wobbled in front of them, lumbering with a heavy tread throughout the mines. There were twists and turns and things that Crank tripped over again. Delmar wondered when his best friend had become so clumsy, but then an array of images - Crank falling up the stairs, Crank falling down the stairs, Crank tripping whilst on the treadmill, Crank burning himself on the stove, Crank slipping in the shower and taking the curtain with him - paraded through his mind and maybe, just maybe, it wasn't a surprise at all.

(And no one needed to know how he knew about Crank's showering situation.)

Blair was leading them further and further into the depths of hell, for all the two of them knew. However, it got cooler and cooler the further down they went, and Crank actually shivered at one point. From whether it was the cold or the fact that this was getting creepier by the minute, Delmar had no clue.

After a few more minutes of walking, they both arrived at a door. Raggedy and clearly having seen better days, it blocked the entrance to what would be a chamber of horrors, Blair would soon reveal, as she revealed with a grin, "This is my room."

Delmar and Crank stopped in their tracks.

"Uh...erm..." Crank tried to get out, but Blair interrupted him.

"You first," she said, pointing a gnarled finger at Delmar.

"Aw, hell! Dude, why are you always getting the women?"

Delmar gave a side-long glance to his best friend. "Man, do you really want to bring that up now?" He shot a glare at Blair. "Especially over _this one_?"

Crank seemed to realize his wrong-doing and looked at his feet. "I'd say we're screwed."

Blair smirked. _"Literally - "_

Then, out of no where, an object came hurling at Blair's face, connecting squarely with her nose and causing her to yelp and curse in a very unladylike manner - not that she was ever ladylike to begin with, mind you, but still -

"Bitch!" came the snarled punctuation of the action. The voice sounded dreadfully familiar, and it sent shudders of fear as well as a breath of relief between both Crank and Delmar.

The two of them turned and saw the very infamous Hades standing not feet away, watching as Blair picked up what had been thrown her way. In her fingers was a building block, the same kind that had been used by Suzie and Hansel in their mischievous activities. However, it was plainly obvious that it had been thrown by the large and menacing Hades, who was panting and as red-faced as if he had just run a mile.

"The hell did I do now?” Blair called back.

Another block conked her in the skull. Crank and Delmar were outright laughing now. They weren't sure what was funnier - the fact that someone as large and potentially violent as Hades was using _building blocks_ as projectile weapons or the fact that the two were fighting like an old married couple.

"Letch _told me_ you took m'gummy bears, you _bitch!_ "

"Come up with original insults, you jackass!"

"You _first_!"

Another block hit her straight between the eyes, and at that point, Blair had had it. She charged, barreling between Crank and Delmar with all the force of a freight train, the entirety of the mines quivering with her presence.

After the dust had settled - literally - and Crank and Delmar were left to their own devices and were realizing just how hopelessly lost they were, Letch decided to make his presence known, slithering down from a previously unknown passageway and landing solidly in front of them, a smirk gracing his lips.

"You're welcome," he greeted them.

"...thanks?" Delmar questioned.

The shouting of Hades and Blair sounded through the mines.

"You two'd been down here for a while and Stump was worried 'cause he and that nerdy guy had finished unloading the rest of the goods and hadn't seen either of you for hours. So, yeah." Letch shrugged, looking as if he was trying hard not to be too proud of himself. "This plan? All me."

"You could have found us before Blair did," Crank shuddered.

Letch, again, shrugged. "Eh. Shit happens."

Crank didn't even feel up to arguing. "Just...get us out of here, man."

The mutant obliged, leading them out the way they came, taking them around turn after turn, over fallen beams and large rocks, and finally they were at the mouth of the entrance to the mines. Dirty and tired and unhappy would not even begin to describe what they were feeling.

Stump and Napoleon, who had been sitting at the truck as guards, looked at them with relief.

When they got closer, however, Napoleon said with an immeasurable amount of sarcasm, "Have fun, guys?"

Crank kneed him in the balls.

As Napoleon curled into the fetal position on the desert floor, muttering, "I didn't even deserve that one," Delmar looked at Crank with a long-suffering gaze.

"Geez, Napoleon isn't even going to be able to have kids at this point."

"After the day I just had, I deserve to kick someone in the balls."

"...good point, my man, good point."


End file.
